"Wouldst thou like to live deliciously...?"

It's June 1st, and nobody wants a custard right now, but, seriously, mix up a big bottle of this immediately and put it away. Plan for your future.

(No milk frother, no heat, no ultrasonic, blah, blah, blah. Just shake the hell out of it, or into it, in this case, and hide it from yourself.)

When you break it out some chilly autumn night, 5 or 6 months from now, you will go insane with delight.

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THE CUSTARD:
Cap Vanilla Custard + INW Custard + INW Creme Brulee = My Current Custardstone.
These ratios are more or less my favorite, though if I'm topping this custard with fruit, I normally start the CAP VC at 4%. However, 5% is perfect here, because it really stands up against the smoke notes, and makes the whole experience more... rapturously rich.

THE BLACK MAGIC:
Even if you're nervous about tobaccos, do not omit the INW Black for Pipe, please! It keeps the “smokiness” of the recipe from being too one-note, and adds this really bewitching, dark complexity to the vanilla. This is not a tobacco recipe, but it needs the mystery that INW Back for Pipe brings. FA Black Fire bumps up that pagan bonfire note, and DIYFS's Holy Vanilla has never tasted so unholy. It's as sweet as the devil whispering in your ear.

INSPIRATION/THE RAMBLING ASIDE:
I'd like to say this recipe has no culinary reference, but one night, about 3 days after I mixed it, I happened upon what turned out to be my favorite episode of “A Cook's Tour” on Netflix.

If you've never seen “A Cook's Tour”, I can't say that I actually recommend it. The production values are horrible, especially in light of Bourdain's other shows like “No Reservations” or the masterfully shot and edited “Parts Unknown”.

Still, food shows are my heroin, and a major source of cooking/mixing inspiration, so even though I found “A Cook's Tour” mostly hard to watch, Season 1 Episode 18 “The French Laundry Experience” is an absolute gem, and is so friggin' hot it pretty much qualifies as porn for me.

Specifically, at one point during the dessert orgy at French Laundry, Thomas Keller serves Anthony Bourdain a tobacco leaf and coffee custard as a sort of cheeky homage to the bad-boy chef, reducing him to a giggling, blushing schoolgirl. It was the first of a few ah-ha! moments for me, because I felt like my desire to include tobacco in a custard recipe wasn't so weird after all. It also made me think that adding a tiny bit of coffee flavoring might be a nice touch in future iterations.

The next ah-ha! moment came when, after 40 days of struggling with my impatience, I cracked open my batch of Black Phillip that I swore I wouldn't touch for at least 2 months, and tested it. Turns out that one wildcard ingredient that might not work, the Inawera Classic Black for Pipe, was right at home in that dark, smoky whirl of decadent custard fog. It definitely wasn't “ready” yet, but it hinted at some unusual and intriguing things to come.

It's now been steeping for about 50 days, and I've already decided I'm immediately mixing 2 more 60ml batches, at least one of which I hope to steep long term, like 3 months minimum, but ideally until late October, early November, when the smoky, lightly sweet complexity should shine like a beacon against a chilly autumn night.

Oh, and another thing, this recipe is a madman with a cup of coffee in the morning.